In class
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the air force come in.
* Cut an apple in two halfs- take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away outside
* Both of you three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the window.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal specially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.
NOW GET HOTEL INFO ON YOUR MOBILE OF DESIRED CITY,
SMS MYTRIP CITY (eg MYTRIP AGRA) send it to 7333.
About family
* I have two daughters both of them are girls
At the play ground
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
Punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times
* You, go and under-stand the tree
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why you are late - say YES or NO
men Vs Women
HER DIARY
========
Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made
plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was
shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but
he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.;
he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to
bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the
situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster..................
HIS DIARY
=======
Shame on us Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh .
DAMN IT.
NOW that's called Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!
Meri Fiancee
A man got engaged to marry. His fiancee was working as an aayaah in a hospital. The man's friends asked him all sorts of questions about his fiancee, such as whether she is beautiful, where she is from, is she fair or dark in colour, when is the marriage, where and as what she is working etc..........
The man answered all questions except that about his would-be-wife's job as he felt embarassed to tell his friends that she worked as an aayaah.
When his friends persisted and would not leave him without telling about his fiancee's job, in desperation he sang a Hindi film song which contained the answer.
Which is the song?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Song is
BAHARON PHUL BARSAAO
MERA MEHABOOB AAYAAH HAI........
Bihar Driving License...
Bihar Driving License...
================================================================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------------------------------------ -----------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
HER DIARY
========
Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made
plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was
shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but
he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.;
he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to
bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the
situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster..................
HIS DIARY
=======
Shame on us Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh .
DAMN IT.
NOW that's called Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!
Meri Fiancee
A man got engaged to marry. His fiancee was working as an aayaah in a hospital. The man's friends asked him all sorts of questions about his fiancee, such as whether she is beautiful, where she is from, is she fair or dark in colour, when is the marriage, where and as what she is working etc..........
The man answered all questions except that about his would-be-wife's job as he felt embarassed to tell his friends that she worked as an aayaah.
When his friends persisted and would not leave him without telling about his fiancee's job, in desperation he sang a Hindi film song which contained the answer.
Which is the song?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Song is
BAHARON PHUL BARSAAO
MERA MEHABOOB AAYAAH HAI........
Bihar Driving License...
Bihar Driving License...
================================================================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------------------------------------ -----------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
A Letter to Rudolph
Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say,
I've taken your shit day after day.
I've kept the home peaceful year after year
Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear.
So you're famous, everyone knows your name,
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game,
You think you're so grand with your important job.
But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob
363 days a year,
You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer,
You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes.
One night a year is all that you work,
You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks.
Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say,
The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way.
Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts,
But they look like angels once Comet starts.
Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip,
And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip
And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say,
Is here getting blitzed with you every day.
All of these years at the front of the sled,
Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose,
And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose.
I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song,
Has made you think that you can do no wrong.
So this year while your out with old Santa's sled,
I am eloping, my dear, with your friend - Mr. Ed
Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say,
I've taken your shit day after day.
I've kept the home peaceful year after year
Now there is going to be changes, so listen my dear.
So you're famous, everyone knows your name,
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game,
You think you're so grand with your important job.
But I'm telling you my dear you're a worn out old yob
363 days a year,
You sit on your arse drinking scotch, rum and beer,
You claim it is to keep up the shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes.
One night a year is all that you work,
You and your eight reisty mates - they're all jerks.
Dasher and Dancer - Speed freaks I say,
The sleigh wouldn't go that quick any other way.
Prancer and Vixen - Just cheap little tarts,
But they look like angels once Comet starts.
Cupids on some freaked out damned power trip,
And Donner...well, she should just get a damned grip
And Blitzen, I almost don't need to say,
Is here getting blitzed with you every day.
All of these years at the front of the sled,
Has gone, I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunkard, with a big shiny nose,
And a weakness for elves in black pantyhose.
I'm telling you husband that one Christmas song,
Has made you think that you can do no wrong.
So this year while your out with old Santa's sled,
I am eloping, my dear, with your friend - Mr. Ed
Secret to a long marriage
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's Marriage marathon, the minister asked Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands.
Ralph, please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph: "I'm going to go get her.
Don't loose ur hope
Ek Gadha:- yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.
Dusara Gadha:- to tu bhag kyu nahi jata.
Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,
"teri shadi gadhe se kar dunga...!" bas isi ummeed me baitha
hoon.......!!!!!!
Moral : don't loose ur hope !
With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's Marriage marathon, the minister asked Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands.
Ralph, please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph: "I'm going to go get her.
Don't loose ur hope
Ek Gadha:- yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.
Dusara Gadha:- to tu bhag kyu nahi jata.
Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai,
"teri shadi gadhe se kar dunga...!" bas isi ummeed me baitha
hoon.......!!!!!!
Moral : don't loose ur hope !
Modified Technical Full Forms
PCMCIA - People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI - System Can’t See It
DOS - Defunct Operating System
BASIC - Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW - World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI - System Can’t See It
DOS - Defunct Operating System
BASIC - Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW - World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
Strange Language ::
When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose
And think of goose and yet with choose
Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don't agree.
Her 100th Birthday
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn,
In her wheelchair, where the activities for
Her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could
Write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma
Started leaning off to the right, so some family
Members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
Stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her
Left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed
Pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family
Members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase
Around her waist to hold her up.
A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma
And said, "Hi, Grandma,you're looking good!
How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote
A note to the nephew .
"They won't let me fart."
When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose
And think of goose and yet with choose
Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don't agree.
Her 100th Birthday
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn,
In her wheelchair, where the activities for
Her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could
Write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma
Started leaning off to the right, so some family
Members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
Stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her
Left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed
Pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family
Members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase
Around her waist to hold her up.
A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma
And said, "Hi, Grandma,you're looking good!
How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote
A note to the nephew .
"They won't let me fart."
Computer Husband
Computer Husband
TO MY DARLING HUSBAND,
I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary
Computer Husband
TO MY DARLING HUSBAND,
I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you'll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what's been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blond about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really was more fun.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster makes you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I've hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary
Quarter End Meeting
This must be happening to all!
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall.
All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.
The mood was so bad.
One employee asked other -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? The other replied "May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting!" People around smiled at each other.
Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high.
Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.
If we could not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. Then the VP turned to the manager and told him:
"Please take how much ever resources you want. Recruit them new or take them from other departments.
But complete the work in another 25 days. Just take people and complete it man."
To this the sweet manager replied with a smile:
"Sir, give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything!"
This must be happening to all!
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall.
All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.
The mood was so bad.
One employee asked other -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? The other replied "May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting!" People around smiled at each other.
Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high.
Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge.
If we could not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. Then the VP turned to the manager and told him:
"Please take how much ever resources you want. Recruit them new or take them from other departments.
But complete the work in another 25 days. Just take people and complete it man."
To this the sweet manager replied with a smile:
"Sir, give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything!"
Bar, Bar, Bar...Bar, Barbara Ann...
A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Barbara Ann written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Barbara Ann was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off do work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: "What the heck was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse called."
A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Barbara Ann written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Barbara Ann was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off do work around the house.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: "What the heck was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse called."
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