Dinner At Sweetie’s

I had dinner with my sweetie
At his home the other night
I knew he’d make a special treat
At least I hoped he might

He set out all the crockery fine
With his best linen pressed
Silver knives and forks and spoons
I really was impressed

I said “What’s for dinner sweetie?”
He flashed a cheeky smile
And replied “I know you’ll love it
It’ll be ready in just a while”

Well I got a little suspicious
For I noticed that no smell
Was coming from his kitchen
And no food was there as well

Nothing cooking on the stove
So sign of chook nor fish
And he knew spaghetti marinara
Was my favourite dish

The stereo played slow love songs
The candles were aglow
He certainly was cooking something up
But what? I did not know

As he led me away from the kitchen
My hopes began to crumble
When he took me to the main bedroom
I heard my tummy rumble

He set me down upon the bed
And then to my surprise
He grabbed a blood red silken tie
And wrapped it round my eyes

I started feeling worried
This was not his normal behaviour
What could be for dinner here
And what could I find to savour?

I could hear him rustling round a bit
What was taking him so long
I’d known him over six months now
But could I have judged him wrong?

Did he have a darker side?
Was he into kinky stuff?
Well everything here seemed OK
I knew I just had to trust

Then I felt his hand so gentle
As he slowly released my blindfold
I opened my eyes and before me
Was such a sight to behold

He had totally turned his body
From his crown to his toenail tip
Into a savoury sensation
And in his hand... a packet of chips

Well, I could not hold back the laughter
I was rolling about in a fit
Then he held out the packet and said,
So solemn...”Would you like a dip?”

After removing the hair from the pate
To my delight it tasted divine
And he kept a supply of rice crackers
Propped up ‘tween his toes in a line

Well I tried the cream cheese on his fingers
His belly button olives were yum
But I kept coming back for my favourite
The guacamole smeared on his buns

He’d gone to a lot of trouble
To find all my favourite things
I especially liked the arrangement
Of the cheezles and burger rings

I shared all the treats with my sweetie
Towards the end I was starting to slow
He gave me a wink and suggested
I finish off with a big cheerio

Needless to say...
There were no further courses
We sent out for pizza instead
After sweetie had showered we ate it
Propped up in our crumb filled bed

Now our relationship’s taken on new meaning
As we share in our new found delight
In fact I’ve invited my sweetie
For dessert round at my place tonight!

Laughter
People say there is nothing funnier then laughter
You can even chuckle some long hours after
You laugh at what is sometimes seen
You laugh at things you do not mean
Yet some where in all hilarity
In amongst that crazy parody
Will Someone please tell me, I’ll give you money
What makes laughter, so darn funny!

Why, when you laugh do people laugh too?
Laugh not at things you say or things you do
Its crazy how when nothing’s funny
People laugh and clutch their too tummy
Will anybody tell me? Wouldn’t you? please, sonny
What makes laughter so gosh darn funny!
Yes, What makes laughter so gosh darn FUNNY!

When Visiting The Family
Be real nice and sit up tall,
eat your dinner- and I mean eat it all.
Be polite when at another's home,
smile and laugh, never groan.

Let Grandma pinch your face quite a bit,
pretend to be calm instead of throwing a fit.
Don't tell about Mommy's crazy mood
or the day that Daddy walked around nude.

Take off your shoes when in their house,
never, ever show them your pet mouse.
Don't spit out food that tastes real bad,
say "It's great!" and they'll be glad.

Never insult the way cousin Annie talks,
or ask why Great-Uncle David don't walk.
Keep your mouth shut, don't ask for cake,
when it's fruit pie that Grandma decided to make.

Overall just don't speak at all please.
In fact why not go play with the dogs on your knees.
Till Daddy says " Four beers is enough" and you part,
hold in tight that escaping fart.

Visiting family is never a joy,
For an eager, learning six year old boy!

Dr. Invention
Dr. Invention invented a light
that helps people see in the dark.
He also invented a merry-go-round
that spins round and round in the park.

He found a new way to catch fish in the bay
by tying a hook to a string.
He though it was nice when he built a device
that lets you record when you sing.

Dr. Invention has many ideas.
He writes them all down in his books.
He plans to invent a triangular tent
as well as an oven that cooks.

His soda machine is a scientists dream
and his candles are strawberry scented.
I hate to inform him, but I have to warn him,
these things were already invented!

Twenty Bucks

When I asked dad for twenty bucks,
he said, “Lets make a deal.
I’ll give you money only if
you eat a healthy meal.”
I found him sitting on the couch
before I went to bed.
I looked into his tired eyes
and this is what I said:

“I finished all my vegetables.
The carrots tasted great!
I ate the piece of celery
that mom put on my plate.
The eggplant was delicious
and the string beans were divine.

The peppers were fantastic
and the broccoli was fine.
The giant baked potato
was the highlight of my night.
The juicy red tomato
filled my belly with delight.”

My dad said he was proud of me
and handed me the cash.
I hope he doesn't find out
all this food is in the trash!

My Dog Ate My Essay

When my dog ate my essay,
he picked up all my mail.
He cleaned my dirty closet
and dusted with his tail.

He straightened out my posters
and swept my wooden floor.
My parents almost fainted when
he fixed my bedroom door.

I did not try to stop him.
He made my windows shine.
My room looked like a palace.
My dresser smelled like pine.

He fluffed up every pillow.
He folded all my clothes.
He even cleaned my fish tank with
a toothbrush and a hose.

I thought it was amazing
to see him use my broom.
I’m glad he ate my essay
on “How to Clean My Room”.

The Silliest Teacher in School
Our teacher gave detention
to the fountains in the hall.
She handed extra homework
to the artwork on the wall.

We saw her point a finger
at a banner and a sign.
She said their bad behavior
was completely out of line.

The principal approached her
and said, “What is all this fuss?
I heard you tried to punish
all the tires on a bus.

You’ve made the teachers angry
by disrupting all their classes,
So if you want to keep this job,
you have to wear your glasses!”

Funny Poem - Its funny how

Its Funny How.......

Its funny how hello is always accompanied with good-bye
Its funny how remembering good memories can make you cry
Its funny how forever never seems to really last
Its funny how much you'd lose if you forgot your past
Its funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
Its funny how when you need someone there never around
Its funny how people can change and think there so much betta
Its funny how many lies can be packed into one love letta
Its funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget
Its funny how one night can catain if so much regret
Its funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all is that none of that seems funny to me !!!!

Funny Poem - She was looking...

She Was Looking...

Thirty feet away,
I see a beauty.
As each time I look up,
She is looking at me.
On her lips,
A sweet smile.
Making me
Gaze at her eyes
For awhile.
The girl,

With a black outfit,
Her smile is so naive
Making me stay here,
And never leave.
Seeing her brown hair,
My heart wants to be
Close to her,
And wants to
All night long stay here.
As every time
She smiles,
I do want to go near.
But,
What can I do,
I am afraid,
Her boyfriend is there.